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Tag: sobriety

Posted on December 14, 2018December 14, 2018

day 829 – to live is to be haunted

Posted on November 9, 2018November 9, 2018

day 794 – my courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me

Posted on September 7, 2018September 7, 2018

day 731 – it’s hard to walk through all the places that your life used to be in

Posted on September 2, 2018

day 725 – there is a perfection in everything that cannot be owned

Posted on August 13, 2018

day 706 -F*CK MOMMY DRINKING CULTURE

Posted on August 6, 2018

day 699 – when the curious girl realizes she is under glass

Posted on May 12, 2018

day 613 – me and the dying girl

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day 831 – RATM[DC] (Rage Against The Mommy Drinking Culture)
day 829 – to live is to be haunted
day 794 – my courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me
day 753 – i salute you, brave spirit
day 731 – it’s hard to walk through all the places that your life used to be in

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Note to Self + Friendly Reminder 🌻 • Happy day of humpeth, magical misfits, bodaciously badass babes + hearts of gold. ☕ • • • • • #Sober #Sobriety #Recovery #TheHappyNow #Mindfulness #WeAreTheLuckiest #RecoveryIsWorthIt #SelfLove #NoteToSelf #FriendlyReminder #SoberMom

1.14.19 Self-Portrait, Day 860 🌻 • What started off as a simple morning inspiration (this post was originally a pic of a [handwritten] Camus quote) turned into a quasi-existential, deeply reflective amalgamation. #oopsididitagain // If you're not looking to go on a reading bender, stop right here. • I woke up this morning to a continued inundation of #HowHardDidAgingHitYouChallenge posts (which is basically glorified #TransformationTuesday posts, is it not?), fresh off the realization of the magnitude of just how much I've changed *INSIDE* over the last decade. Specifically as it pertains to my numerous identity crises, physical + internal rebellions against the hands life dealt me, and the fact I never got to know any of the ghosts from my previous lives, besides the fact they all liked to drink, never put forth the effort to make any drastic changes (outside of accidentally getting pregnant, and then stepping up to the plate to be a mom, then return to + graduate from collge), and were all deeply sensitive, insecure, and carried around varying degrees of depression. • The present day me has done away with all but the latter, and is now sitting by themself.. sorry, sitting by myself.. and although I woke up bright eyed + optimistic about the day, I'm now this incredibly weepy girl who is v anxious yet has zero energy and can't stop amplifying my weaknesses. (I see my doctor this Wednesday though.) • I understand anxiety is a liar, (and fear is the mind-killer!) but even if you strip that away, I can't figure out why I continue to be my own worst enemy, fearful of letting people down, then beating myself up over these.. amplified weaknesses + abrupt awareness of how deep my insecurities run. • Why do I overthink the fuck out of EVERYTHING? Why do I always overly apologize? Why am I so scared of establishing connections? WHY?! • I've conditioned myself + my perspectives to believe that no one will ever really stay around, because I always unintentionally and/or inevitably either let them down or bc I'm too much. • I know these thoughts + feelings aren't unique, I'm just having a rough day for some reason, and all I want to do is cry & for today to be over. 🌻

1.12.19 | Day 858 Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself 🌻 • "My soul is a hidden orchestra; I know not what instruments I sound and clash inside myself. All I hear is the symphony." – Fernando Pessoa • Greetings + Salutations! I haven't done one of these in a while, so today seemed like a good opportunity to change that. • I'm Kristin, I'm a 34 yr old storm chaser of two tiny tornadoes (mom of two; 10-yr-old daughter + 3-yr-old son) and I've been w/ my Hubbins McBabyDaddy for nearly 13 years. I'm a born + raised Texan & serve as a graphics goddess in the trade show industry by day, and enjoy moonlighting as a convalescent crusader / recovery raconteuse / sobriety storyteller in my free time. • I hoard inspirational quotes + graphic t-shirts, own more leopard print pants than Peg Bundy, and my favorite foods are NY style pizza, and PB&J sandwiches. • My favorite movies include Heathers, Batman Returns, and John Carpenter's Halloween. My sheroes include Anaïs Nin + Joan Didion, and Winona Ryder circa the late '80s + early '90s is my "forever" muse. My favorite music genres are screamo/post-hardcore and pop punk, however, some of my favorite musical artists include Leonard Cohen, Neil Young, and David Bowie. • I had my first experience with death at age 10, got my first kiss when I was 15, had my first drink + lost my virginity at 18, had my first mental breakdown right before my 20th birthday, gave birth to my first child three months after I turned 23, and graduated with my B.A. at age 26. • I'm recovering from 10+ yrs of: alcohol use disorder, abusing benzos & having online emotional extramarital affairs. I've been sober from all since Sept. 6, 2016. • I was diagnosed as bipolar in my early 20's, but now combat + cope w/ anxiety & persistent depressive disorder in addition to major depression episodes. I completed my first IOP in 2004-5 after taking myself off my psych meds cold turkey, & completed a 2nd IOP in 2017 for substance + alcohol abuse. • I identify as pantheist, do not participate in any twelve step programs, I'm an ENFP personality type & my hobbies include: expressionist painting, existential crises, reading memoirs + running into nonexistent objects. 🌻

– H. Jackson Brown, Jr. • 1.11.19 | Day 857 Note to Self + Friendly Reminder 🌻 • Another *~goal~* of mine is to "get back to my roots" in the way I engage, interact + communicate with others. I've let this (deeply odd / uncomfortable) social anxiety interfere and disrupt with a legit passion of mine: encouraging, supporting, and empowering others. • Do not confuse this with overexertion, artificial empathy, or people pleasing. • When I began recovering out loud on IG and started finding "my people," about six months into my sobriety journey, the ways I started truly, genuinely + authentically connecting with people was unlike anything else I'd ever experienced. • In all my brokenness, I felt understood. Seen. Heard. Accepted. Appreciated. • As I was. Raw. Vulnerable. Scared. Lonely. Honest. • It changed me and shaped the way I decided to continue to evolve and share my journey as I brazenly navigate(d) my way through this way of life that had been awaiting me for nearly a decade. • Then life got... life-y... and I mostly reverted to posting and only posting. I stopped commenting, reading, replying to others. Then social anxiety kicked in, I started second guessing & overthinking who/how/what I communicated. I pulled back from being engaged and it's like the magnitude of how vast and LOUD social media is, really set in. • Then came guilt + shame, and the more time went by, the more disengaged I became, wash, rinse, repeat. • The dynamics of social media are absolutely fascinating. And overwhelming. And depressing. Depends on the day, tbh. • So, I won't apologize for the way I've been, bc it's what I felt I needed to do, I feel I've now done what I needed to do next.. now.. and explain. And now change. • Redefine and improve the way I participate within this commUNITY. You all have been and continue to be the framily (friends + family) I never knew I needed, and I hope I make you feel the same. • I love you, my fellow magical misfits, bodaciously badass babes + hearts of gold. And I appreciate each and every one of you, more than you know. 🌻

No filter, same lighting. • One of my *~goals~* is to start taking better care of myself, externally. • I've got a bad habit of going too long between showers... Like, I do sink "baths" and use dry healing oils on my hair, but that's not the same as a looooong, luxurious shower. In all fairness though, my 3-year-old is quite literally attached to me during all (and I mean ALL) waking hours he's home, and even when I do shower, it's short AF. Y'all, if I'm gonna shower, I prefer to shooooooowwwwer. I like to take my damn time, and that is anything but feasible when my tiniest tornado is home. • Anyway, hoping 2019 is the year I get to bring back long showers. • Last year I started taking more mindful care of my skin, and made the conscious decision to start using serums, creams, toner, and masks on a regular basis. I plan to continue doing so, bc who doesn't like to slow down the aging process? So, this year... all 10 days of it so far... I took what was left of my Christmas bonus and bought some quality skincare products and cosmetics. All cosmetics were on sale, and all skincare products were purchased with coupons (bc #frugalbitch). • I also want to improve my (not so) pearly whites. So, I bought (again, with coupon) some tooth whitening strips, toothpaste, and all that jazz. • I'm not sure what the fucking point of this vanity post is anymore, other than I was hashtag blessed enough to be able to take a long shower, do a facial mask, use the newest additions to my skincare routine, and do an intense teeth whitening kit. • If I'm feeling extra crazy, I might even paint my nails this weekend. #WhoIsShe • And, I know I went off about how self-care is more than pampering + indulging, but sometimes self-care includes those things, too. Especially if you've severely neglected taking care of your mug + food chompers. 🌻

1.10.19 | Day 856 Good Morning 🌻 • "...so this is for us. • This is for us who sing, write, dance, act, study, run and love and this is for doing it even if no one will ever know because the beauty is in the act of doing it. • Not what it can lead to. • This is for the times I lose myself while writing, singing, playing and no one is around and they will never know but I will forever remember and that shines brighter than any praise or fame or glory I will ever have. • And this is for you who write or play or read or sing by yourself with the light off and door closed when the world is asleep and the stars are aligned and maybe no one will ever hear it or read your words or know your thoughts but it doesn’t make it less glorious. • It makes it ethereal. Mysterious. Infinite. • For it belongs to you and whatever God or spirit you believe in and only you can decide how much it meant and means and will forever mean and other people will experience it too through you. • Through your spirit. Through the way you talk. Through the way you walk and love and laugh and careand I never meant to write this long but what I want to say is: • Don’t try to present your art by making other people read or hear or see or touch it; make them feel it. • Wear your art like your heart on your sleeve and keep it alive by making people feel a little better. Feel a little lighter. Create art in order for yourself to become yourself and let your very existence be your song, your poem, your story. • Let your very identity be your book. Let the way people say your name sound like the sweetest melody. • So go create. Take photographs in the wood, run alone in the rain and sing your heart out high up on a mountain where no one will ever hear and your very existence will be the most hypnotising scar. • Make your life be your art and you will never be forgotten." – Charlotte Eriksson

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	KRISTINTOTHEMAX on day 829 – to live is to…
	Miranda Herring on day 829 – to live is to…
	womaninthewoods on day 731 – it’s har…
	Alison on day 699 – when the curio…
	Mirror of Souls.… on day 586 – remembering wh…

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Recent Posts

day 831 – RATM[DC] (Rage Against The Mommy Drinking Culture)
day 829 – to live is to be haunted
day 794 – my courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me
day 753 – i salute you, brave spirit
day 731 – it’s hard to walk through all the places that your life used to be in

Recent Comments

	KRISTINTOTHEMAX on day 829 – to live is to…
	Miranda Herring on day 829 – to live is to…
	womaninthewoods on day 731 – it’s har…
	Alison on day 699 – when the curio…
	Mirror of Souls.… on day 586 – remembering wh…

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December 2018
November 2018
September 2018
August 2018
May 2018
April 2018
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October 2017
September 2017
July 2017
June 2017
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April 2017
March 2017
February 2017
January 2017

Categories

daily entry
jam of the day
misc
personal
recovery
saturday's song
sobriety
trauma
Uncategorized
visibility
vulnerability

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