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Tag: sobriety

Posted on December 6, 2019December 6, 2019

Day 1186 – Full Collapse (Sehnsucht, Pt. 2)

Posted on November 14, 2019November 22, 2019

Day 1164 – I, Myself, Am Made Entirely of Flaws, Stitched Together with Good Intentions

Posted on October 25, 2019October 25, 2019

Day 1144 – More Than Words Can Tell

Posted on August 15, 2019August 15, 2019

Day 1073 – To Be Ill Adjusted to a Deranged World Is Not a Breakdown

Posted on August 1, 2019August 6, 2019

Day 1059 – A Line Allows Progress, A Circle Does Not

Posted on July 16, 2019July 16, 2019

Day 1043 – She Expressed Herself in Many Different Ways, Until She Lost Control Again

Posted on July 5, 2019July 5, 2019

Day 1032 – Inspiration Move Me Brightly

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  • Day 1186 – Full Collapse (Sehnsucht, Pt. 2)
  • Day 1164 – I, Myself, Am Made Entirely of Flaws, Stitched Together with Good Intentions
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  • Day 1129 – World Mental Health Day
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“Living is a process of developing oneself. Without experiencing pain from disconcerting periods of our lives, we would be different person, perhaps a lesser person.” ― Kilroy J. Oldster • Today I am 39 months sober. I turned all this... stuff... that's been churning inside of me recently into a blog post. Talking about how cyclical + nonlinear the healing process is and how unknowingly deep our pain can be. Link in bio. 🌻 • (I'm not back "back" on IG yet, btw. I can't force inspiration, I refuse to generate "content" for the sake of appearances or the algorithm, and... well, if there's still one thing I KNOW I struggle with, it's moderation, and this app is... I'm noticing a pattern w/ my usage patterns, etc. and it's just best for a lot of reasons that I keep my distance until I personally feel "better." Whatever that means. And to be fair, my issues with moderation are NOT limited to social media, it's with several aspects in my life. I either go balls deep or radio silent. I'm either all in, or out completely. All the beers or none of the beers. You get the idea. Just because I left my addiction to substances doesn't mean I don't have other areas in my life I'm not still struggling with addiction/dependency. • I've just recently come to realize that self-care is also learning how, when, and where to establish + honor boundaries within yourself, too. You can't keep your wits about you if you're not recognizing when you're self-sabotaging. • If it weren't for my sobriety I wouldn't have my recovery, and if it weren't for my recovery I wouldn't have the courage, strength or willingness to evolve. I'm ready to challenge all I've been taught to believe about myself. • I'll be available via DMs early next week though, and I can't thank you enough for your continued support, in every sense of the word. It is because of this app, this commUNITY, that I have a blanket of friends who check in/on me [and I to them], and continue to remind me that I am worthy of friendship and fierce commitment. They remind me that I matter, and I wouldn't trade that for all the money in the world.) 🌻
12.1.19 Self-Portrait, Day 1181 "She's A Rainbow" 🌻 • "I live on Earth at present, and I don’t know what I am. I know that I am not a category. I am not a thing — a noun. I seem to be a verb, an evolutionary process – an integral function of the universe." — R. Buckminster Fuller • Needed a healthy + creative distraction earlier, so I fingerpainted my face today (with various make-up media/textures) instead of crafting something with words to convey how I'm feeling. This past week has been legit sensory overload, so I'm looking forward to resuming structured normalcy tomorrow. 🌻
This. 🌻
11.29.19 | Day 1179 Musings + Reflections 🌻 • "The urge to destroy is also a creative urge." ― Mikhail Bakunin • For some unknown reason, intrusive thoughts were aplenty this morning, so I destroyed them by creating something beautiful + meaningful instead. • I know it doesn't look like much, but when both of your kids are out of school for a whole week, and one of them literally won't let you out of their sight (I'm looking at you, 3-year-old son...), *~AnD tHeN~* the inexplicable sads start sinking in mixed w/ rude, unprompted intrusive thoughts... you grab that anxiety by the balls, say "Not today, motherfucker" and you whip out your good ol' pal, Adobe Illustrator and annihilate that self-doubt laden lying crock of shit (bc that's what anxiety is, after all) ...and maybe you do a nice little face mask... buy a 12-pack of eye glitter online... and watch @spaceykacey Christmas show, too. • I was feeling festive and feisty earlier, okay? 🎄💅 • Anyway, my *fixed that for ya* spin on the oh-so-popular "Sober is Sexy" slogan had been rolling around in my head all week, so I made a mini digital mood board, played with color palettes + some fancy new typefaces, and was able to turn this morning's ugly feelings into a vibrant message of empowerment instead. • Whether it be painting pictures with words or by hand, I will die creating. 🌻 • • • (Yes, sober *is* sexy, but sometimes I feel like this takeaway can be akin to people who think of sobriety as a trendy, more modern game of "Let's Pretend." • I don't think it's fair to reduce sobriety down to being some superficial equivalent to that of an attractive appearance. Sure, its a bonus, but a lot of us who got sober did so because our lives (not looks) depended on it, and doing the work is FAR from sexy. • So yeah, the more I thought on it, the more shallow the sentiment felt to me, so here's a healthier alternative that I felt to be much more accurate. ✨)
“I don’t think that loving yourself is a choice. I think that it’s a decision that has to be made for survival; it was in my case. Loving myself was the result of answering two things: Do you want to live? ‘Cause this is who you’re gonna be for the rest of your life. Or are you gonna just have a life of emptiness, self-hatred and self-loathing? And I chose to live, so I had to accept myself.” • “It’s so hard trying to love yourself in a world that doesn’t love you back. • So I want to take this opportunity right now to just feel good as hell. Because you deserve to feel good as hell.” ― Lizzo • (I'm also thankful for @lizzobeeating + her constant preaching of self love, acceptance and celebration. 🌻)
If you know, you know. ⬆️ • • • As of today, I'm literally just thankful to be sober. IDK WTF the universe has up its sleeve (and butt) right now, but I already served my time in depression hell for 2/3 of 2019 and I'd be real cool if Santa came early and gifted me with a "get out of jail free" card. I've been a reeeeally good girl this year. • In all honesty, I'm incredibly thankful for you, and for this commUNITY. Thankful for every single person who bears their truths and those who bear witness to them; NONE of this is for the faint of heart, and there's *so* much more to the level of work that is required of us, than any cute illustration and/or inspirational quote could ever convey. Not that those eye-pleasing, whimsical nuggets negate the reality of recovery... but it's no secret that people IRL and online hit the high road when your/my/our path to healing, or our realizations as they pertain to us and our surroundings, get to be "too much." • Reality and truth can often be difficult to swallow or too grotesque for one to *want* to comprehend, and sometimes this journey can become a dark, lonely place and we may even question WTF we're even doing. • We may be lightworkers, truth-tellers, and self-healers, but we also hold up a mirror to society, and this makes a lot of people deeply uncomfortable and as a result, it is them who shut off + turn away. That is not our problem. • I'm thankful for those who choose to keep showing up (for themselves + others), that refuse to quit (on themselves + others), that turn their back on quick fixes, temporary relief, and easy ways out, and instead turn their attention + existence to healing themselves and helping others in the process. • I'm thankful for this chorus of beautiful voices + soulful warriors, filled with people who keep speaking out and shining their unique, individual lights, despite all odds. KEEP DANCING TO THE BEAT OF YOUR OWN HEARTS. • I am thankful for you, misfits. Be safe today, and gentle with yourself. • Have somebody you trust be on standby for support if needed, have an exit strategy just in case, ask for help if you need it. Nothing and no one is worth jeopardizing your sobriety over. 🌻

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  • Day 1186 – Full Collapse (Sehnsucht, Pt. 2)
  • Day 1164 – I, Myself, Am Made Entirely of Flaws, Stitched Together with Good Intentions
  • Day 1144 – More Than Words Can Tell
  • Day 1129 – World Mental Health Day
  • Day 1073 – To Be Ill Adjusted to a Deranged World Is Not a Breakdown

Recent Comments

KRISTINTOTHEMAX on Day 1129 – World Mental…
Sandy on Day 1129 – World Mental…
Rin on day 884 – where once was…
KRISTINTOTHEMAX on day 884 – where once was…
KRISTINTOTHEMAX on Day 943 – “Wild an…

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